A diary of my love for you .....

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies”

Aristotle

So I was writing a love story, when I realised all we hear about love these days are these love stories that end with a happy ending! I guess that is what we all love to hear, but I don’t like falling for the clichés, hence why I decided to write something different! Perhaps a very familiar perspective, but where it is your decision to make up the rest of the story in your minds! A one direction love is not something that belongs to the films, because it gives the writer the difficulty of picturing what is going on in mind of the individual, and perhaps makes it ever more difficult to give it a happy ending. If there is such a work or if they ever make such a thing, it must become a master piece! I don’t want any of you to think that I don’t believe in love with happy endings(yet there is no such a thing as an ending to any story, it’s usually our minds that would like to put an ending to a good story, to keep it in our minds that way and always be happy about it). I guess the other post of mine “Leili and Madman” made it clear that I still believe such love can happen, something that after ages, people still talk about, a story written by a great writer or a film made by a great film maker can stay in our minds forever, and sometimes act as rays of hope in a dark tunnel called life.

I don’t know if we should call it a game of chances or destiny, but I know many people who never found love! With the theories that we have made for ourselves, how can this be possible?! Are these theories made by our imagination, or optimism?! Is it the hope that keeps us going?!

Because i would not understand a person who would ever say they don’t need love! As once I read somewhere that “A man who says, he does not trust love anymore, love loses its trust in him”. So what is that little factor that stops us from finding it?! IF there is love, then what is it, except LOVE! Does anyone have a true understanding of it?! Is it stupid of us to fall for the theory of existence off love? Or is it a reality that we don’t know much about?!

I don’t want to diss the amazing work of scientists, but all these money spent for finding out where we come from and where we go, why there are so little information about love?! Love being the reason why we live and it being the path between the existence and the ending line!

I will let you all to think about these things in your own time, considering I don’t have a clear vision about love myself! It is a lot of questions that my answer to them changes as I grow every second. I however decided to write something about the third parties! The ones whose thoughts are unheard! This could not come out as any other way rather than a page of a diary or a person who does not wear his/her heart on his/her sleeve! I will not overcomplicate the writing; I very much like to keep it as simple as diary is written in....

“Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly”

Robert Frost

“How would I go any further like this? I have realised that sometimes keeping a secret is the best way of saving some things, only because you know if the truth comes out, you will lose that minimum that you have settled for...a friendship, the companionship of him, the little sensation you get when he smiles at you...That little simple secret that keeps this deem light burning, yet burns you from inside so hard that one day you are unable to breath and then it’s over! Or is it EVER over?!

All those moments you are looking for all those possible millions of reasons why this is not right, why you should stop the way you are feeling...then every single reason turns into a smile on your face reminding you of all those reasons why you DO feel this way... .

When you are so convinced that this is wrong and it will never work out, but yet you keep going on and on, not letting the light to turn off! Darkness means being lost and I don’t want to be lost! Without this, without love, I am lost! Many people come and go, many days come and go, yet this is the only shining light, and I have decided to keep it this way... every day hopping for a miracle! But i know miracles don’t happen that often! Miracles belong to the stories and I am stock in the reality... the reality that is darker than when I close my eyes and dream...! Love is blind, because in all that darkness all you see is the beauty, and the ugly is lost.... I have found my killing happiness in darkness, and this shimmering light is nothing but pain, a joyful pain that I accept to keep inside forever... what they can’t take away from me is what I grow in my mind....my dreams are mine, where I can control!!!! Reality is only that crazy driver who doesn’t know where he is going... it could only end in an accident. My world, my love is made of these twisted strands of reality and dreams, and I can’t change anything...”

“Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do—but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.” Albert Einstein

Love and Peace

Rona Sinni

Nostalgia.....

The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is written for my Iranian friends especially, yet you are welcome to read. The only thing is that Iranians probably feel more connected to this note. I just felt rather nostalgic and thought its a good idea to write about all that I miss about the past.

I believe that past should never be forgotten; I remember this book that we had in the bookshelves in our house called: past is the light for the future (This is a translation and I don’t remember the name of the writer, I shall ask and inform you in the near future). Well I could not agree more. Perhaps sometimes remembering the good times from the past can make us feel a bit out of the place, maybe because it feels like something that feel we belonged to, and it is not there anymore, like when we lose someone close to heart. A place that was always there and the very next moment is not anymore, like when lights go off and the darkness becomes your new nest and what can be more scary!!! But past was what made you become who you are today and this very moment is the past that will make your future; only keeping this in mind can assure a better future, a future so virgin... . Every now and then is good to sit and remember all those little things that happened. I personally think I am getting Alzheimer’s to be honest. Sometimes I look back and I can’t picture the streets that i grew up in. The houses that I visited and the people that I loved! But this past belongs to me, and it’s what makes me smile sometimes, like the stupid things that i have done and the things I have said or heard, people who i have loved and the people who I disliked for asinine reasons. So let me remind me and perhaps some of you about what we have missed...! I guess even if you have not experienced the same things, if you read this, you can remember your own past and things you used to do...! Just remember LIFE IS WONDERFUL, and i literally mean full of wonders!!!!

The best way is to start this with : I remember... and let your thoughts flow... your passion for that little mean yet very cute thing that you have...the past. I don’t remember if it was a maths programme or a philosophical one, but this guy was talking about the ripples you make in the water when you are in a boat and moving forward...how shallow they seem and how they deep they are...but also how short term... your past makes you move forward but it has no direct effect on it...!

I remember the day we moved into our new house when i was rather young, perhaps just less than 5 years old...the little Lego puzzles bought for me from the child and teenagers institute. Playing with them in a chaotic house filled with unpacked boxes, while my mother was sleeping on a coach, waiting for my ad returning from his work and my beloved sister from school, how young my mind was and how much i adored those colourful Legos. I remember I used to love to go to my grandparent’s house to play with them with my cousin who was alot older than me. She was a truly inspiring person, every moment that i spent with her i learnt a new thing and most importantly learnt  to be creative. Waiting in the waiting room of a dentist showing me a almond in shell and trying to make think of things that it was similar to, and my young mind trying to figure out what was going on in her mind... she has her own wonderful daughter now and i can imagine her being a lucky one, having such a great mother. All those books and games that my parents bought me to learn more and learn more and learn more to come to where i am.

I remember playing with dolls with my sister, but our favourite game was drawing people ona pieve of paper and talk instead of them pretending we are in a party with a lot of people. Sounds so silly, but at the time i couldn’t wait for her to come home and play this game with me! My two friends who i found going to primary school, Yalda and Sadaf! Two beautiful sisters whom i spent most of my time with. We used to play in the house pretending to be what we wanted to be...life was so easy then. I always wanted to be the architect and Yalda always wanted to be everything, and sadaf was always the teacher! Ahhh, good days gone by like the wind...! I remember playing in the streets, drawing on the floor with pieces of chalk, every morning in the school, or after school on the roads! So much fun!

Every Friday morning, having a family meeting in my parents bed, laughing and laughing, playing games! Thn the fresh breakfast that my dad have had prepared for us. Ah, i still can smell the bread. And then the rest of the day spent at my grandparents house with every single member of the family....more than 20 of us, just enjoying life like it could do no harm ever....! the amazing food that the grandparents prepared and then all sitting around the sofreh and eating it.

The school days and the homework’s that i would not stop doing and then having lunch! I was a geek from the start i guess!

My cousin Padideh used to come around a lot when my dad was away on missions and she always had something for us! Snacks or present! And i was jealous of my sisters presents every single time!

Every night my mum was singing to us, or when we were older, my sister reading to me before bed. When we stayed at my grandma’s house for nights, my dad used to do it, all the kids sleeping on the floor in the living room, and my dad telling us stories about this guy who ate so much that he bursted! It is still funny when i remember. Or my grandma telling us stories to make us not to be scared of the dark anymore.( I shall remember to tell you these stories, they are actually scary but fun).

The huge pencils that my ad used to buy us, they had spirals on them, so when you spin them, it looked magical! The cartoons and the films from those days...! What can i say..AMAZING...specially the Japanese anime called footballers, me my sister and my second cousin Sadaf, were in love with it. no wonder i love football now. I remember the last son in law of the family had the duty of cleaning the table, while everybody in the kitchen was doing the washing up, i still feel sorry for Pirooz and Amir, they had the longest period of duty, because not many people got married after them for a while.

I changed so many schools, and in every one of them i had such amazing friends. Trustworthy or not, still friends...!

The cheeky sneaks after school to hang around and have some fun! We all know what i mean if we brought up in Iran, so not much explanation required there.

Climbing the bed in my grandma house to reach her sitting at her table to kiss and say hello, or the the afternoons after school I bought snacks for me and grandpa to eat and watch cartoons together(our favourite was Ariosto Cats)

The language classes that we were made to go to for hours on Fridays, and the alloche and fun gums that we bought. The times my dad came back from mission and bought us all my mum have had forbidden us to buy!

All those wonderful times, that are so many that if I want to keep going, will make a book, made me and my life! All those memories...!

Remember those memories of yours, both good and bad moment and worship them! life may be short but every moment is a sequence on the little shiny skirt it is wearing that gives a glow and makes it even more beautiful when looking at it from far!

Remember, as my aunt Padide always tells me: “you don’t have to live the length of life, you only have to live its width at the longest to enjoy it”

LOVE YOU ALL PEOPLE.... KEEP SMILING!

Study the past, if you would divine the future.
Confucius

Love & Peace

Rona Sinni

listening to:

1.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlMSSnru8pM&feature=BFa&list=FLk89UKVLRBivipbQhJgX-Lg&lf=plpp_video

2.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGaX_mF-8FA&feature=BFa&list=FLk89UKVLRBivipbQhJgX-Lg&lf=plpp_video

The Ashes of War....

"I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war."

Albert Einstein

So I thought today I will write a little about war, but I don’t quite want to talk about why they start it, and it must be replaced by peace and who starts it etc, as people usually write or talk about it. but I would like to talk about how I think a “war at peace” is still an ongoing war. No matter how many peace treaties are signed, or how many times they say that it is over, but this is so untrue! The fact that we still celebrate the day war was over in our countries, and instead of celebrating it the creation of peace, we celebrate the win, well I guess that explains it all. There are several things that I need to talk about. Such as a book that I am currently reading which made me write this, and a film that I have seen recently plus things that I have heard around!

I guess I shall start from somewhere, but just now I remembered this sentence I read a while back from Mother Teresa; “they have had asked her, why she does not join the anti war protests, her answer was, if you were protesting for peace, she would join, but not for anti war protests.” I mean, we just have to think one second about what she meant. Yet I am quite sure as per we all may have different views on what she meant! (So feel free to leave comments about what you think she thought, I would love to know.”

The book that I am reading now is called: “ A soldiers legacy” written by henirich boll, the nobel prize winner. Indeed it is an amazing book. It set in 1943, and it is about this soldier starts writing to the brother of his dead friend in war, and this person who killed him, who actually is close neighbours of the dead man. Indeed, the war happened in 1943, but the story shapes in the future of the war and what it has done! Both while and after, the writer beautifully displays the depressed and gray areas of the remains of the war, or in cases the dark sides left. It is a beautifully pictured story using words as almost every great writer does it.

My father has been in war for 8 years of his life getting injured and fighting, and the outcome was “OH WE WON”! I mean, I most certainly appreciate the fact that they have defended the country, but it still hurts me to think about why it starts. But as I said, I don’t want to talk about that! So here we are, at this moment! Just imagine your country, and as most of the countries have been in war, look at how you celebrate it now. We still celebrate it as the day we won it, although we might be opponents. Like French and the British and we both think we won. Well people, I say this is wrong, because even when we are in peace, we still feel we are better than the other and this feeling, as I have always told people, brings hate!!! Every time, you look at someone from up high, s/he will grow a little hate inside for you! And this is all war does. Look at where we are now. Take my own country for an example, we finished war more than 30 years ago, and we still hate the Iraqi’s for fighting with us. We went into war with Arabs, so far away, we can only read about it in books now, and we still dislike each other! So does this at all, sound like peace to you?!! These flying ashes of the finished war, burning more than the war burnt us itself. Let alone the damages it brings into our lives! Damaging, our health and wealth! We feel the glory deep inside when we talk about winning several wars in the past, but I think if we look deeper, we can clearly see, that we are destructed by all means! We have forgotten that its not us, but it is our governors who start the wars! And we have not got much to decide about!!! We lost our family and remain in pain for nothing1 for finally reaching the “Peace” that does not exist?!!

This is a very small insight that I have against war.... these are the burning ashes, burning like a red hot cigarette with the scar remaining forever!!!! 

"All war is based on deception."

Sun Tzu

Love & Peace

Rona Sinni